guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
