I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
