i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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