apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
