i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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