i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
