her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
