I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Semen is not good for contacts.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
