Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
