You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
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His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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