Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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