I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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