Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
