Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
