so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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