he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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