Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
