No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
