Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
