Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
