Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
