My room smells like vodka and shame
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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