So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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