Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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