You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
