Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
