Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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