he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
