guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like death gave me a hand job
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
