I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
