Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
