Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
