you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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