I wanna passion pit in your ass
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
