now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
