what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
