i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
