i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
