its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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