I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
