Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dick very happy bro
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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