the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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