I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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