he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
