and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
