I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
