he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
