party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
