I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
