PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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