just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
