where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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