Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize