So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
