Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize