This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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