dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
