i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize