i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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