why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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