This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to stop coming to work sober
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
