Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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