I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
