I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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